alcohol – new world mischief

I’m conflicted in thoughts. Today as I walked to the store to get my favorite pastime, I noticed from afar that a gate that I’ve been monitoring every time I passed by was opened. In there lay one of my biggest enemies. An animal that’s leading the scorecards against me. The warning ⚠️ signs are there for every pedestrian to see. I had seen glimpses of how big it was every time I passed by and it tried to jump that fence. A dog’s bark tells me everything I need to know about it. If it’s a puppy, a small harmless dog or a coward dog from the hood I can definitely distinguish by its bark. This dog was those no-nonsense I’m on guard type of dogs. I don’t mess with those. I saw the owner. I saw it lurking around him too and I didn’t hesitate to take a quick jog backwards. I was in no mood what’s on to be brave even when the owner called me to reassure me it would not do anything to me. I’ve been betrayed by people a lot of times and there’s no way I was going to take his word for it because my and his companion have history.

My history with dogs started when I was still in primary school. They had sent me to this house which had 2 dogs to go fetch or deliver something I don’t really remember but I was comfortable going there as I had on many occasions played with those dogs and they were harmless or so I thought. The owners reassured us many times that those dogs didn’t bite and were not violent in any way. I guess those dogs wanted to prove their owners wrong. I remember opening the gate to that house and they just chilled looking at me like they didn’t notice me. It is like they were waiting for the right opportunity to strike and strike they did. There was a lot of commotion and confusion and I remember quickly being mauled on the ground like wild animals maul their prey. One bit a chunk out of my leg and the other tried to bite my windpipe but eventually settled for my shoulder. Those dogs must have been coming from fasting because it seemed like they were feasting on me😭. I had given in because every time I resisted and tried to fight back they would bring me even down harder than before. I decided to let them be and I was ready to meet my maker. Quarter to death and or rabies and woman who the community had rendered crazy was passing by and she saw what was happening. She managed to chase away those treacherous animals, put me on her back and rushed me to the hospital where I got stitches on my leg and shoulder, tested for all diseases and got discharged afterward. Those times we used to stay the full term at boarding school and visits from parents were very rare. At least I got more pocket money accompanied by those stitches 🧵 on my shoulder and my leg. I still have a big scar on my leg even now. As a kid it was cool and all having stitches but up to this day that was the only time, I’ve been a patient at a hospital. I didn’t notice at the time but a seed of fear of dogs was planted in me from then.

Over the years I’ve had close calls with them but nothing serious until one unfaithful day. I honestly feel like God was punishing me that day because everything was not going my way. That time all I wanted to do was to pass out. I left groove without even saying goodbye. It’s a 100m distance from my home. I walked down my street with all the confidence in the world. I was even walking from side to side and stuttering from the liquor but I didn’t care because that’s my street and you have to braver than David who killed Goliath with a stone to try something with me on that street. Those boys will hunt and find anyone who dares try anything. I made it to the gate to find my phone was off which meant I couldn’t open the gate. My younger brother was not around either so I couldn’t shout for him to open the gate. It was already AM and I knew there was no way he would answer his phone wherever he was. I was tired, I was drunk and all I wanted to do was pass out. I had to come up with a strategy to jump over the electric fence or else I would sleep outside. I remembered how my back-door neighbor always jumped over it easily and never got electrocuted. Whatever he could do I could do or so I thought. I decided i do exactly as he did. I went to the exact sport he always jumped from and tried to simulate all the motions he went through when he jumped. I felt the first little spark of electricity 💥 on my skin as I tried to put one leg over that fence. I’m sure my first leg was still halfway down when it hit me for the second time. This time it was not a little spark as I could feel the voltages coursing through my veins. The liquor didn’t numb anything and it hit me so hard I fell flat on my back. What is worse is that I fell on the wrong side of the fence. My collision made the same sound a cement bag makes when you throw it on the ground from a high position. I moaned in pain and approval and I decided to take a couple of minutes on the ground to catch my breath and decide what my next move was. I heard noises and I thought it was my neighbor coming to assist but i soon found out it wasn’t. That first bark clarified to me exactly what it was. I heard it barking from far and those barks were definitely approaching my location. I knew there and there that I’d rather be electrocuted then become dog meat again. I instantly became Spiderman and jumped that wall and fence within a second and made it across without any regard for the electricity. I still had to switch off the alarm before going to bed to nurse my body. I managed to curse that dog before I went to sleep with my body sore and all.

All I could think about was vengeance against that dog because there was no way I was going to let it slide. The thoughts and ideas about vengeance instantly stopped when I was searching for a movie 🎥 and I came across John Wick😦. I’ve watched that movie more than a hundred times and I know perfectly what happens to people who harm dogs. They have even made 3 movies to get their point across😔.

So Friday I hooked up with my friends at 86 Public Randburg . There’s a reason they are called danger zone.That place was nice until Eskom did what it does best and the back up generator was malfunctioning. It instantly got boring and we were falling asleep. One person even fetched those Bluetooth speakers in their cars and it didn’t help the situation, in fact it made it worse. People actually travel with those speakers in their cars when they go to restaurants 😐.

My friend Kbaybay aka Krabmoney aka many other different monikers was not having it. It was a Friday after all and it was time to groove and not sit around like chatting like adults going through a mid life crisis. So what’s the next best thing to do in Johannesburg? Go to Soweto and turn up. We went to Urban Grill Soweto, a lovey joint in Pimville. You’ll never get disappointed In Soweto, the music is on point , the prices are fair and the girls are also on point. Girls are actually beautiful all over South Africa 🇿🇦 but they have that extra thing in Johannesburg because they are always up to date with the latest trends. We were not there for the girls but I couldn’t help but notice.

We were not disappointed at all , you’d think we drank a Red Bull, Mofoya, Monster and Powerplay cocktail the way we suddenly had our energy back. It was going down hard. We were in our grooving element. I actually lost count of the number of bottles we drank there. I knew it was closing when they came to kick us out and the music was stopped. I was chuffed that finally I could go to sleep because I was toast drunk but the gents had other ideas. At 4am we went to another place in town . That place doesn’t close and one of the guys bought another bottle there and that’s when I realized that sleep is very far from us. I looked at everyone and could see that no one was even contemplating sleep except Kbaybay and I knew if he disappeared he would be in the Benz sleeping. I had to keep it to myself because if I told him he would summon the energy to stay on longer. True to that he disappeared and I found him sleeping in the car and I didn’t say anything to him,I just hopped in , dropped the seat and instantly blacked out. That time it was about 05h30 in the morning .

Next thing I was woken up by the gents to go sleep inside the complex. I didn’t even see how we got there and where we were all I wanted was to sleep. I wasn’t the only but as you know there’s always a stubborn person who thinks we shouldn’t sleep if the liquor is not finished.

Eventually the dust settled and we all went to sleep. I woke up at about 11am and got ready to hit the road back to mbombela. Sure enough my friend came to pick me up and we hit the road. I had one of the worst hangovers known to men and decided to get Chicken Licken wings. My head was pounding hard and I had seen how the wings had solved a lot of people’s hangovers and I thought it would do the same for me. Well to some extent they helped because I slept the whole way from Johannesburg to Mbombela. When we got to Mbombela none of us wanted to groove but it was early so we decided to go watch Bad Boys 🎥 at Riverside Mall. I was feeling a little bit light headed but I was absolutely fine or so I thought . I had successfully managed to avoid a lot of spoilers for that movie. The problems started after I ate those popcorns 🍿. The problems started on the opening scene of that movie and I could feel discomfort in my stomach. I had been so anxious to watch that movie I decided to toughen it up. God was not on my side man as 10 minutes into the movie I made my first sprint to the bathroom. It was not as quick as I thought it would be. I think I did that about 4 times during the movie. I think there was 20 minutes left of the movie and it was getting hot but my stomach was also getting hot. Eskom finally did me a solid by load shedding and in that moment I knew God was back on my and I knew it would take at least 5 minutes for the movie to resume and I went to get rid of all my troubles in the bathroom. That last session made me feel as tops as one could be. I tried giving those cinema operating a piece of my mind because they movie had not resumed. One of those security just said I must keep quiet before I have to run back to the toilet again. I took that on the chin and put my tail between my legs and went back to wait for the movie in silence.

I’m writing this still in the toilet 😔because I lived by the phrase “when in Rome do what the Romans do”.

In conclusion let’s remember that what works for somebody else doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for you.